Spake With Twang

The Tanya Tucker Concert

2010-07-07T10:45:00.014-04:00

Before I get into the concert, I want to first tell about how I got into Ms. Tucker's music. (So y'all can know a little more about why this is such a big honkin' deal for me.)

I was first introduced to her music in the early 1990s with Some Kind of Trouble and It's a Little Too Late. My friends and I used to get together and watch her music videos on CMT and TNN after school. When we'd saved up enough money to buy the tape, we were blasting it out of the boom box on the playground. (Ah, good times.)

More recently, I've become obsessed with her 70s and 80s music. (I could listen to Lizzie and the Rainman on repeat all day, I swear.) I've been crazy over her 90s music for a long time, but I found myself loving the earlier stuff even more.

I listen to all types of music and music artists, but Tanya Tucker is one of the few whose music I love from the time she started with Delta Dawn to her new My Turn CD. There really isn't one song to which I don't like to listen! I even find myself getting excited every time I hear about her working on new projects.

Because, let's face it, none of the new country artists can hold a candle to her.

The Concert:

The concert was better than I could have hoped. My friend got us great seats (14th row middle!!) and even though the place was bursting at the seams with people, we could see just fine. (And get pictures!!)

Let me just say that we were scared that it was gonna to be a low-key show. (Neither of us had ever seen Tanya live, so we had no idea.)

Now, I can say that we were WAY off. Ms. Tucker knows how to put on a DANG good show. That was the first time that I have really seen a country singer really rock it out. (Since Garth Brooks retired. -moment of silence-) All the other singers I have seen just walk about the stage a bit and raise there hands occasionally. (Oh, and do Whitney Houston, "I'm singing powerfully," stances.)

Not Tanya.

She puts it all into her performance and seems to have great fun with it. I was in awe.

She sung most of her big hits (there's so many!), and even sung one or two from her newest album.

I have to say, I have been to concerts for a lot of genres (metal, ska, country, pop), but country music artists sound the best live. Tanya was no exception; she sounded better live than she did on the recordings.

For an hour and a half, I got to hear a legend of country music, and I will never forget it. With the great crowd, Tanya's energy, and decades worth of wonderfully brilliant music...

It was truly electric.

Hangin' In,

Jenn :)

Travels: Off to See Tanya Tucker!!!

2010-06-29T21:27:00.006-04:00

I can't believe that in just a couple days, I will be on my way to the Country Tonite Theater to see Tanya Tucker in concert.

My best friend Shannon invited me to go on this awesome trip. (Thank you!) She is an absolute genius when it comes to getting country music tickets. (Quite a difficult feat in the po'dunk corner of the mountain in which we live.) She has country music super powers!!! (You rock...I mean, you TWANG girl!)

For those of you not familiar with Tanya Tucker's music (for shame!), you can click the picture at the top to hear samples of her greatest hits. You can also click the picture at the bottom to hear samples from her new album, My Turn. (You can also read a bio of Tanya Tucker here.)

She has one of the greatest and most recognizable voices in country. I really could listen to her sing all day.

I am so excited! I can't wait to come back and blog all about it.

Down to My Last Teardrop,
Having Some Kind of Trouble,
With Two Sparrows in a Hurricane,
And It's a Little Too Late,
To Meet With Delta Dawn,

Jenn ;)

I live!!!

2010-06-23T22:16:00.002-04:00

It has been awhile...

9 months if Blogger is correct. Dang gone!

I had to take some time and do some real soul searching. (Yes, I know it is a way over used cliche, but it's true.) I had the luxury of being able to step back from a lot of things, slow down, and really reevaluate things. (One up side of the awful economy!) I put my computer in a box, did lots of yoga, and swore off anything with a delicious deep-fried shell. I feel renewed and ready to take on anything. (I have even reached a polite ceasefire with the leader of peaches in Dole, their native land.)

Unfortunately for this blog, I had given up on it. I had really worked myself into a corner last year. In my mind, this blog wasn't really going anywhere. The post quality was fading, and I had lost my voice and point of view.

Spake With Twang started out just as a personal blog for me, and it turned into something of a crazy sort of thing. I look back now and I have no idea why I wrote half of these articles. (I mean, I'm a bit off, but DANG! People need to pull me aside sometimes.)

So from now on, this is going to go back to being my personal blog. It's not a 'how-to' resource, a gardening site, a cooking site, or even a 5-speed bread machine. It just my personal blog.

Thanks for reading,
It's great to be back,
Yours,
Jenn :)

Photo of the Moment: Coffee is Love!

2009-09-16T17:05:00.002-04:00

Any Moment can Prove to be a Unique Photo Moment:

The past week has been crazy, and today was no exception. I was feeling a little blue and decided to make my favorite beverage, a peppermint, splenda, Chase and Sanborn latte. So I went about my process and ended by pouring my milk over my creation. I turned around to get my visiting 5 year old nephew some water when I notice that the splenda on the top had formed a heart!

"That's cool! It's a heart! How'd you do that?" my nephew asked.

"What can I say? Coffee is love!" I told him.

A Quick Site Note...

2009-09-13T13:41:00.002-04:00

I apologize for the lack of posts in the last month. Unfortunately, for the moment, life has caught up with me. (Precious free time can get sucked up into the abyss without notice.) I have a lot of plans for this blog, some that I have been introduced already, and I hope to resume posting and developing this little piece of the web very soon. Regular posting should resume shortly as soon as I get a few matters straightened out.

Thank you always,
Jenn

Learn to Read Palms: A Comprehensive Beginners' Guide to Palmistry

2009-07-30T17:35:00.005-04:00

So first off, what is Palm Reading? Basically, it holds true that the lines/creases and shapes of the palm reveal an insight into the palm owner's character and manner of life. It is a belief that has been around for centuries and is used by everyone from doctors to party-goers.

Now, I realize that many people scrunch their faces up at activities and beliefs of this nature (Tarot, Runes, Horoscopes, etc), but whether you 'believe in it' or think it's 'a bunch of bologna,' it is just plain ol' fun and interesting. So spice up your life while learning about yourself!

So go on, give yourself or a good friend a free palm reading!
Let's get started:

Which Hand Do You Use?

Each hand has its own unique lines. The traditional/easy method is that you read a man's RIGHT hand and read a woman's LEFT hand.

For the purpose of this post we are going to go with the ACTIVE/DOMINANT and PASSIVE/WEAK theory.

If you are left-handed, then your ACTIVE/DOMINANT hand is your left hand. (Vice versa for righties.) This hand represents how you have changed as a person. Your PASSIVE/WEAK hand represent your true self and your inherent traits.

For the best reading, I would suggest starting with the PASSIVE/WEAK hand. Do a full reading, and then put it beside the ACTIVE/DOMINANT hand to see if there are any obvious differences. They can sometimes be surprising and quite telling!

Texture of the Hand

So now that you have decided which hand to read, take a good look at it.

Note the texture of your hand, both palm and back. If you have really soft hands, it is usually indicative of a sensitive person who enjoys some of the finer things that life has to offer. You also might be spoiled, high-maintenance, or dependant.

A hand resembling sandpaper is the sign that you are a straightforward person who has little patience for the nonsense in life. You could a very direct and blunt person.

And if your hand contains a lots of cracks and/or calluses. It could be a sign of a hard worker. You are also someone that is very grounded or 'down to earth.'

Shape of the Palm
In Palmistry, there are a few basic types of hand shapes that some argue correspond to the four elements. (It is not uncommon for a person to possess a mixture of 2 shapes.)

Hold up the hand you are examining and pay close attention to the shape of the palm, the length of the fingers, and the overall color.

Palm Shape

BROAD and SQUARE Palm: indicates that you are a very careful person who is reliable and thrifty. You are someone who is 'over-prepared' for everything. You can be very stubborn, because you are very solid in your morals and values. (Corresponding Element: Earth)

THIN and RECTANGULAR Palm: indicates a very outgoing person who is known for being a chatter-box and very witty. You are often the 'life of the party' but can also be very shallow and very cold toward others. You love being around others, but often have problems with holding grudges and long term commitments. (Corresponding Element: Air)

LONG and OVAL Palm: indicates a empathetic person. You are always 'in the know' when it comes to social groups and are very 'in touch' with others' feelings. This is also the hand of an artist--a true creative person. You are usually quiet and very emotional. You don't take criticism well and have lax code of principles. (Corresponding Element: Water)

BROAD and RECTANGULAR Palm: indicates a person who is full of energy. You take risks, are always on the go, and very excited about your life. You cannot sit still and are very active. You are very impulsive, have a big ego, and find it hard to understand how others feel. (Corresponding element: Fire)

Other Hand Shapes
Fingers

SHORT Fingers: You are someone who is very outgoing, serious, acts based on the 'gut' more than the 'head' (Fire)

THICK and SHORT Fingers: You are someone who likes the tangible, materialistic, learns by doing, superstitious, afraid of change, works with hands (Earth)

LONG fingers: You are someone who completes things in unique ways, innovative, isn't traditional, isn't afraid of the unexplained, very comfortable with intangible things, unsympathetic, not afraid of change (Air)

THIN, LONG, with PRONOUNCED KNUCKLES fingers: You are someone who is very quiet and doesn't like attention being drawn to them, very sensitive to others, doesn't like to lead, is very good at reading others, a thinker, These people value external beauty over inner beauty. (Water)

Nails

LONG and TAPERED Nails: creative, gentle, and accepting

SHORT and SQUARE Nails: very structured and skeptical of others

Finally: We're 'Reading' the Palm

In Basic Palmistry, there are three lines that are read: the Heart Line, the Head Line, and the Life Line. In this section, I will show you how to identify and 'read' these three lines. I will also be including some of the 'extra' lines in later section of this article for those who want to really impress people with your skills.

The Heart Line - Your emotional and romantic self
The heart is top horizontal line that runs under the base of your fingers. (Refer to the picture) .

The Ending Point - Now that you have identified your HEART LINE, take note of where the end of it lies. Does it lie under the base of your index finger, middle finger, or in between the two?

INDEX FINGER: indicates you are someone who gives more than they receive. You are very caring, stable, and dedicated to relationships even when you are getting nothing from it.

IN BETWEEN: indicates a good balance of the two extremes

MIDDLE FINGER: indicates a receiver rather than a giver. When it comes to relationships, you are very demanding, expect gifts, and loads of attention.

Shape and Style - Okay, now that you have identified the ending point of your heart line, take a second and note the shape and length of it. Also, note the texture and consistency of the line.

VERY LONG LINE - If your heart line is very long, to the point where it continues to the end of your palm, you are probably a person who doesn't 'let things go.' You hold grudges and become easily consumed with envy. People with very long heart lines look for 'true love' and are interested in finding lifelong partners.

SHORT LINE - This is the sign of someone who shies away from monogamy and who is very into the physical parts of a relationship more so than the emotional. You probably have a lengthy dating history.

---

STRAIGHT LINE - The straighter the line, the more you are in control of your emotions.

UPWARD CURVING LINE - The more curvy the line, the more you are affected by your emotions.

---

Here are some telling characteristics that may be present in your heart line:

SMALL INTERSECTING LINES - indicates times of emotional trauma in your life

WAVY - this is present in someone who has a long dating history and has trouble committing

DEPTH - the deeper the heart line, the stronger emotions you possess; a very deep line would indicate a person with extreme emotional levels

INTERRUPTING CIRCLE - indicates depression

BREAKS IN THE LINE - severe emotional trauma

Now, that you have learned more than you ever thought from a single line on your palm, let's more on to the next one:

The Head Line - Your Philosophy, Intellect, and Manner of Thought
The HEAD LINE is the horizontal line found right under your HEART LINE. (Pictured Above)

First, take note of the shape of the line.

CURVED - The more curved the line, the more creative you are. You probably have/had big dreams and a short attention span.

STRAIGHT - Indicative of a deep thinker; you are someone who is logical and very realistic in expectations.

Next, look at the length and depth of the HEAD LINE.

LENGTH - the longer the head line, the more emphasis is placed on intellect rather than matters the heart

DEPTH - the deeper the line, the more impressive your memorization skills

Lastly, look at all of the lines that cross your HEAD LINE. The more that cross it, the more cautious you are. Also, if there are any breaks in the line, they indicate radical changes in thinking and perspective. These can also indicate that you are a very conflicted or hypocritical person.

The Life Line - Quality of Life and Nature of Health
The last of the basic palm lines is the LIFE LINE. It is a curving vertical line that is the closest to your thumb. (Refer to picture.)

First, let's look at the position of the LIFE LINE.

Does it run very close to your thumb or to the middle of your palm?

CLOSE TO THE THUMB - Indicates a 'home body', you are someone who is chill/laid back, stable, and routine

CLOSE TO PALM CENTER - You are someone who loves travel and discovery, is never content to stay home, and seeks out new things

Now, let's look at its shape.

VERY CURVY - The curvier the line the more positively you view your life and the more energy you put into it.

SEMI CIRCLE - You are a person who is very excited about living their life, an eternal optimist, and is very honest and to others, and shows great tolerance.

STRAIGHT - You are a person who stays away from risks, carefully thinks out every decision, lacks spontaneity, and values things for their longevity. You probably have a few close friends and aren't too interested in making new ones.

Observe the LIFE LINE again. Does it have these characteristics?

DEEP - the deeper the line, the healthier the person. It can also be indicative about how well you enjoy your life.

BREAKS - These are signs of poor health either present or past.

MULTIPLE LINES - You love life and are very healthy and positive.

Extra Credit: Additional Lines That Are Sometimes Present

The following lines are not found on everyone's hand, but still are very interesting nonetheless. Sometimes there is a special meaning even if there isn't one present.

Fate Line - How Much You Are Controlled By Your Fate, Affected by External Forces, and How Successful You Are
This line is also sometimes called the Line of Saturn. This vertical line runs straight down the center of your palm. (Pictured Above) Now, as you can tell from the picture, some FATE LINES extend the entire length of the palm, but not all do. If you having trouble locating it, see if you have one starting at the center of your palm or even close to the bottom. If you still cannot locate it, don't worry not everyone has a FATE LINE.

If you do not have one, it could mean that you are a very indecisive person. It could also mean that you are young and a path hasn't been laid out for you yet. If you are older, it could also be a sign that you have deviated from you path--either in a good or bad way.

If you have identified your FATE LINE, take a second and take note of how DEEP and DEFINED it is. The deeper and more defined the line, the stronger effect that external forces have on your life. (Fate or what have you.) The more shallow it is, the more uncertainty and disappointment you have present in past.

Next, study the line again. See if you have any of the following characteristics:

BREAKS - You are a person who revels in change and does it often. You are very influenced or bothered by what others say and think. You are also a person who spreads themselves too thin.

CROSSES LIFE LINE - You are a person with a large support base. Perhaps you are blessed with many great friends or a very large family. This influences you heavily in your life.

DIRECTION CHANGE - This indicates you are a person whose life is in someone or something else's control. Perhaps, you do not get a say in many things that happen. You are heavily controlled by external factors.

JOINS LIFE LINE - If it joins the LIFE LINE towards the center or end, it shows you are a person who frequently gives up your dreams and desires to instead help someone else realize theirs. If it joins at the top of the LIFE LINE, it indicates you are a person who takes control of their own fate. You are someone that has great expectations and grand dreams. Perhaps, you own your own business or were always top of the class.

DOUBLE FATE LINE - You are a person who laughs at the idea of a controlled Fate. You are probably very successful and materialistic. You are a highly motivated individual that has a hard time with the intangible. This, in rare cases, may also be a sign of someone with two distinct fates.

FORKED FATE LINE - This is rare, but this is when the bottom of your fate line is forked with one end continuing down and the other heading to the outer part of the palm. (Or the Mount of Luna) This is sometimes called a writer's fork , a traveler's fork, and could indicate you are a person whose job would put them in the public eye. It is also a sign of a conflicted person. You are somone whose fate could go many ways. You probably are an eccentric and talented person who has many destinies awaiting you and influencing you.

Health Line - Represents the Person's Present State of Health
This is also known as the Line of Mercury or the Line of Hepatica. It is also the line that changes most often throughout a person's life. It is located on the 'pinkie' side of the palm (Or under the Mount of Mercury) and extended down straight or slightly slants toward the inner palm. (Refer to Picture)

If you do not have one? That is actually thought to be a great sign. It means that you are very healthy and aren't sick very often. (So go celebrate!)

If you do have one, take note if if has any of the following characteristics:

CROSSES THE LIFE LINE - You are perhaps suffering from an illness or become ill very easily.

WAVY LINE - You are a person with a weak stomach and perhaps a history of digestive issues. You may also suffer from an anxiety disorder and get worried very easily.

SEVERAL SHALLOW LINES - This health line is made up of lots of little lines with no clearly defined center. If you have this, you are probably currently making a change or have recently changed healthwise--good or bad. You are also a person who quickly gets tired or worn out.

Marriage Line - Marriage and Serious Relationships
This is a line, or lines, that appears under the 'pinkie' (mount of Mercury) and to the outer part of the hand. (pictured above) Some lines extend toward the center of the palm while others are entirely on the side.

If you do not have a MARRIAGE LINE, don't worry. I know plenty of people who are happily married without marriage lines. So, don't freak out. Just think of it this way, your current or upcoming relationship is so awesome that it knocked those lines right off of there. :)

If you have a MARRIAGE LINE, or several, they usually signify serious romantic relationships and marriage(s). This doesn't necessarily include intimate partners, but real emotionally connected relationships. The general rule is that the deeper the line, the greater chance it would/will end in marriage. That being said, a very faint line indicates a relationship that had no permanance or importance to you.

Here are a few characteristics that your line may have:

BREAKS - a bad break up, falling out, or divorce

SHORT DEEP LINES - serious relationship that could have ended in marriage but did not

DOUBLE LINE - involvment in multiple relationships at one time

SINGLE UPWARDLY ARCHING LINE - the ultimate bachelor, appreciates the physical aspect of a relationship above all else, not likely to be tied down any time soon

More Comprehensive Study of the Marriage Line

Even More Lines to Explore
Believe it or not, there are even more lines to explore when reading your palm. For length control purposes, I will not be discussing them in this article, but here are some useful links if you decide to take the extra step:

Ring of Jupiter
Ring of Saturn
Ring of Venus
Line of Mars
Apollo Line / Sun Line
More Minor Lines

Comparing Hands - Did the left listen to the right?

It is believed that your ACTIVE/DOMINANT hand represents your persent self and how you are changing, and your PASSIVE/WEAK hand represents your past self and natural self. Just take a minute to see if you notice any differences. You might be surprised!

Another note: Now that you have finished your reading, you should know that palm lines are not permanent and do change over time. So if you are concerned about something, know that it isn't etched in stone.

In Closing - Basics and Beyond

Though this is a very long post, it is only the tip of the iceberg. Palmistry/Chiromancy is a very complex art/science/trade with many schools of thought and very extensive ways to read lines. Unfortunately in this post, for length consideration, I have decided to omit the discussion of reading and incorporating the Mounts of the Palm. (Chirognomy) It may be something I revisit in a later post, but as for now here are some sites that explain the basics of Palm Mounts:

Basic Mount Description and Diagram
Comprehensive Mount Description

If this article has gotten you interested and you would like to learn more about Palmistry, here are a few very useful sites to check out:

Palmreadings.org
Palmistry International
Chiromancy Online

Hope you enjoyed it,
And gave it a try,
Thanks for reading,

Jenn
Spakewithtwang.com

Note: I am not a professional palm reader nor do I give free readings. I am just someone who got interested in this subject years ago and have accumulated this information and method as a result. I have no way of predicting the future or or providing scientific evidence for or against this subject matter.

Poetic Ode To Coffee: My True Love

2009-07-27T16:13:00.001-04:00

I thought that I would pay homage to my one true love that I have to wake up to every day to keep living.

What can I say? Love coffee, wrote a poem 'bout it. Like to hear it? Here it goes!

Scratch, Grumble, Smile

Like a lumberin' bear
On I make my way to
the roasted royal grounds
to brew my magic stew.

The stew is concocted
and at home in my cup
and waking with its warmth
as from the rim I sup.

Jenn -- June 15, 2009

I CAN'T LIVE IF LIVING IS WITHOUT YOOOUUUUU! I CAAAAN'TTT LIIIVVVEEE!
Coffee is the true anti-peach,
Jenn

Poem: Flight Rhythm Dance

2009-07-17T17:08:00.005-04:00

I got some good responses to my Autumn poem that I wrote last year and my Charred poem, so I thought I would put one of my newer works on here.

Before I get into to this poem, I would just like to make a few things clear. I'm not a trained poet, I have very little poetic knowledge, and I couldn't care less if I failed to follow a certain technique or something. I only put them on here in hope to ignite someone else's poetry streak. I don't believe you have to take classes to write poetry that is meaningful. Sure, I won't ever get paid to have my stuff put in a book, but I love writing it. That's all that matters, I believe. (It's just like an ugly hat. If I love wearing it, and you hate it. That's your problem. heh.)

I look at poems the same as paintings. I'm gonna look at it and see blobs of paint, but someone else is going to see a masterpiece and buy it for a million dollars. That being said, I love to read others' poems and love to hear comments about mine. (I do love me.) I started writing poetry after I got a huge mega crush on this boy in 7th grade (oh they were bad, like a love sick pre-teen bad, but I did get the boy in the end) and it has developed from there. What it developed into is anyone's guess.

As for the story behind this poem, it is actually very strange. (As are most things in which I'm involved.) I actually wrote it during the time that I was working at a local supermarket deli. (slicing meat, butchering chickens, and frying taters YUM) I was sitting out in my car during my 15 minute break, and started thinking about how the job was monotonous, and nothing new ever happened. It was wearing me down. I was not being challenged, and I felt stuck in a vicious small town cycle. (And getting paid jack-squat) It was then I saw this crow circling its prey, and I heard the drums of the local band practicing. (The high school is right by the supermarket.) I grabbed an old store receipt and jotted this poem down.

Blah, on to the poem:
Stuck in my cycle I am now,
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow still,
Its weight a throbbing inside ache,
Would do anything to void the deal.

Dreams of youth are fading,
As up toward the sky I glance,
A bird of glorious black I catch,
Through the clouds engaged in dance.

Now, I think of freedom not,
Nor of the wondrous flight,
Not of many hard battles fought,
Or of the spiritual clouds white.

As I surrender to the divine creature,
With each flapping of its wing,
I begin to hear a rhythm line,
A bum, thump, hum, and ding.

Life has its own mysterious musics,
As so does my mundane routine,
This glorious bird has my theme me gifted,
And an ear to it I finally lean.

The beat is nearly formed,
Dum, dum dum, dum, dum,
Lower on the tone,
Bum, bum bum, bum, bum.

Add the snares with a,
Dink, thump, ching,
And the sound of bells,
That will always ring.

Now my song is formed,
Perfect and ever in change,
It volume will only grow,
And expand its beautiful range.

by: Jenn (January 2009)

Put a rhythm to your day,

Jenn

Italian Tomato Pasta

2009-07-06T06:28:00.002-04:00

Today, I bring you a simple recipe that will feed up to 10 people and costs less than $5. It tastes great served both hot and cold, and I have never met a person who didn't just love it!

This is my favorite dish to eat, hands down. My father couldn't remember exactly how he thought to make it, but reckons it was by accident. (Trying to clear out the canned pantry probably.)

Here's the recipe:

Italian Tomato Pasta (made with whole grain penne in the picture)
Ingredients:
1lb box of pasta (macaroni, penne, bow tie, spiral)
2 cans of Italian seasoned tomatoes, undrained
2 tbs of vinegar (or to taste)

Directions:
Cook and drain the pasta. Place it in a large bowl (that you are going to use to serve it). Next, pour the tomatoes over the pasta. Add your vinegar. (any flavor vinegar that you like, we use plain ol' white) Mix it up, and serve it. Oh, and tell people it took you all day. (I sure do, ha!)
This dish feeds up to 10 people per batch. It also keeps in the fridge for up to 5-6 days if you want something for the week. (If you are like me, it will never make it that long.) Also, it tastes great served hot and cold. You just can't go wrong!

Poetry Game: Match 3

2009-07-02T15:55:00.005-04:00

Hi everybody, I bring you silliest silliness to the 3rd degree today. Here is another one of the poems that came out of a Poetry Game session with my brother, nephew, and I . (Explained in the Poetry Game: Match 1 post)

I really hope this isn't indicative of some underlying thoughts in the subconscious of me or my family. I knew we were a little off, but dang this game brings out the true weirdness.

Thanks for reading and indulging my obsession with weird and unexciting blog topics. (That's me, a jet-setting ball of interesting excitement. Heh! I revel in the mundane and love every minute of it.)

One thing that I am constantly surprised about in these poems is that they make sense in a twisted way. They actually sort of tie together. Weird!

Enough of the Bunk! Here's the Poem: (warning: may disturb and confuse those without a sense of humor.)

Dubious requiem, a nostril unleashed, [a]
I fell into the sewer and landed on the moon, [n]
A new day onward rolls. [j]

Tragic danger attacked by a spoon, [a]
I got attacked by a kamikaze watermelon, [n]
Defense wall downward crumbles. [j]

B--ch slap by O' glorious conclusions, [a]
I ignore the rules of time and space, [n]
Finally my base strongly plants. [j]

Forever I mumble while I grumble, [a]
I smell something foul like butt, [n]
This horrid cycle forward goes. [j]

Early September 2008: Adam, Nick, and Jenn

Hope this reminded you to,
Not be so serious,
Except when hating peaches,
Jenn

Obsessed! Series Introduction

2009-06-29T15:05:00.001-04:00

So, as you may have read with another new post on this site, I am attempting a new direction for this blog by doing categorical posting.

I feel that putting the posts into categories will make it easier to navigate, find what you need, and will help me to be more organized. (And if it doesn't, I'll go back to the old way, and deny I ever attempted this! Ha!)

Series that I am positive on: Personal Growth (as posted before), Humor (random jokes and comic I come across), Gardening, Knitting, Poetry, Procrastination Fuel, and many more that I have yet to think of clever names for.

I bring you the intro to the newest one in the works; OBSESSED!

Well, at the urges of some of my peers. I have decided that I will do a series on some of my strange obsessions. (Label will be: Obsessed) These are things that if you didn't know me, you would think that I belonged on 48 hours, Dateline, or in the loony bin.

Why do posts on obsessions? I believe that it will aid the general public in that those that read it will feel more normal. Either because they share my love of weird obsessions, or because they think I'm 3 crayons short of a sharpener pack. (Dang, now I want to color! heh)

Or more, simply, I am obsessed enough to write blog posts about them and do research on them. Ha!

Some posts to look forward to: Numbers' Significance, Planets: The Non-Scientific Significance, Owls, Chinese English China, Cults, Crime Shows, Odd Stationary, Totem Animals, Five Gallon Buckets, Stonewall Jackson, Abnormal Psychology, and etc.

I'll stop now before I get into the weirder stuff. I intend to do in-depth pages with histories, video, etc. (I told you I was obsessed!)

Look forward to it,
And smash a peach,
Jenn

Personal Growth Series Introduction

2009-06-27T17:08:00.008-04:00

So over the last couple years, I have made some huge strides in my life. No, not financial strides, career strides, or even social networking strides. I have made, for the first time in my life, real personal growth strides.

Admittedly, 'Personal growth' is a pretty loaded term. I always struggle with these ambiguous terms when others use them. So, what does in mean in my case? What's my take on the definition? It means that I became me. I quit letting others' comments, ridicules, condescension weigh on me. I quit meeting others' awful expectations of me and how I should be. I left all substances and addictions behind. I washed off the funk left from bad relationships. And, most importantly, I stop listening to what others said I needed, and I listened to myself. It is still a work in progress, but it's truly one of the most rewarding things in my life.

Once I cut out all the garbled noise, I was not able to fit into the molds of others anymore. There is no other mold. I am able to use my own determination to combat issues and come out on top as myself. (That self that doesn't do things just to please others and avoid issues and conflict.) Well, that is, if you truly want to. It isn't easy, but it's freeing. (No, not easy, and not something done quickly.)
So, why the heck am I writing this inspirational babble? Well, because I can, and because I have decided to add a category of posts to this blog that focus on Personal Growth. (As they post, you can access them by clicking the "Personal Growth" label link to the left.)

Why the heck would I want to write posts of this nature? Well, I'm no psychologist, but I am a firm believer that others' experiences are the best starting points in gathering any type of knowledge.

And well, the bottom dropped out for me a couple years ago. Blessed, I managed to climb back higher than I have been in 10 years to my present state. Maybe, by sharing these things, others can find something to which they can relate, or at least give food for thought. Also, it helps me to share. (I told you, I'm all about me. :P) This blog has become the most successful therapy for me. (And the only kind I could afford, ha.)

First step to ultimate success,
Nix the peaches,

Jenn

Random Joke Post: 1

2009-06-25T14:54:00.002-04:00

Oh Lord, Here's a sign of the times:

My friends forwarded me this next joke: (Thanks!)

Can't Outsmart a Woman

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I have
been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his
friends for fishing. We'll be gone for a long weekend.
This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion
I've been wanting so could you please pack enough
clothes for a 3 day weekend".....

"And also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the
attic?"

"We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will
swing by the house to pick my things up..."

"Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk
pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but, being the good
wife,

She does exactly what her husband asked.

Following the long weekend he came home a little tired,
but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and
asks if he caught many fish?

He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few
Pike."

He said, "but why didn't you pack my new blue silk
pajamas like I asked you to do?"

The wife replies, "I did, they're in your tackle
box".

The only thing crazier,
Liking peaches,
Ew,
Jenn

Clip On Mosquito Repellent

2009-06-22T13:25:00.018-04:00

So, I saw a beautiful commercial the other day.

"What's worse mosquitoes or mosquito spray? Introducing Off! Clip On Repellent!"

I thought, 'You beautiful people, I must buy your product."

So, of course, within days, I was at the local Wally World (Walmart) picking up one of these avant-garde contraptions. I realized that they aren't cheap when you first buy them. The starter kit (comes with the clip on gadget and one repellent packet) was $9.88, and I had gone online and print out a coupon and got a refill pack with 2 in it for free. (Would have been $3.44). Oh, just so you know, you have to go to the camping/outdoor section by the rifles to find it. (I totally wasted 10 minutes in the sunscreen and health section.)

Here's the official product picture:The claim is that this thing repels mosquitoes, doesn't smell, and that a refill packet can last up to 12 hours.

In spirit of my long winded posts, I must give just a bit of background. I must say that I am the perfect person to test this product. I am a mosquito (skeeter!) magnet. I walked out to get the mail the other day (about 2 minutes there and back) and had 23 bites before I got back in the house. (I squashed 5! Whoo!) They love me. It makes it terrible for me when I am outside working because I have to wear spray, long pants, long sleeve shirt, and my hair down. And I still get bit all over and through my clothes!

Enough of that, did this thing work?

The first time I wore it, I must admit that I wasn't impressed. I had it clipped on the side of my skirt and was outside gardening. My ankles got bit, not as much, but still about 15 bites over 20 minutes.

The second time I wore it, I didn't get bit at all and I was outside for over an hour. I did have on full length pants though.

The third time, I decided to try it with staying in one spot. So, I clipped in on and sat out on my porch and read magazines for about an hour while the dog ran around. I was wearing Capri pants and a short sleeved shirt. I got bit about 5 times. All on my ankles, and lower part of my legs. I even set the gadgets right beside my ankles and legs, and I still got bit. But I must say I am impressed, it worked as good as the liquid and spray repellents that I have used before, and it doesn't stink or make you greasy and icky.

The fourth time, I wore a skirt and a sleeveless shirt, and I sat outside for 25 minutes, and didn't get bit once.

In closing:

I say it works just as good as the sprays do. I believe there nothing that repels 100% (at least for me), it greatly reduces the number of bites. Also, the first time you put a new refill in, you may want to run it for a few minutes to 'warm it up.' (The first time it seemed to not work hardly at all.) After that, I just turn it on right before I head out the door. Great spray alternative.

I was convinced that it wouldn't work at all. That it was way too good to be true. Well, I was wrong. If you see me outside, I will have this giant blue thing clipped on to my hip!

This product's official site can be found here.
Coupon for the free refill pack is found here.

Off to discover a peach repellent,
Jenn

Funniest Joke of All Time...

2009-06-19T13:36:00.002-04:00

Hi y'all, I bring you laughs of the silliest degree today. Read to get your dose of peach-free, hilarious sunshine.

I realized a few years ago that all I knew were hilarious, but vulgar jokes that most people don't appreciate. Or so I've been told. Repeatedly. Ugh.

So, I'm constantly looking for good, clean jokes that I can actually tell to people in most places without the risk of being hit by a purse. (It totally happened at the mall when I was an undergrad!)

Readers Digest's site has a great collection of good and clean jokes, funny pictures, and etc.

Here's a Cartoon by Joe Dichiarro that I came across on the site:
I love that comic. I know so many people who would do that if they were able. HA!

Enough, On to the Point:

In their June 2009 issue, they enlisted a group of veteran comics to pick the top 10 jokes on the site.

The Search for America's Funniest Joke began. Reader's Digest Voting Page Here complete with the ten jokes.

Here are my favorites of the list:

Making Sure (My fav!)
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
"I think my friend is dead!" he yells. "What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, "Okay, now what?"

Crime and Punishment
A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, "How long have you been wearing that bra?" The friend replies, "Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment."

New Lease on Life
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle- aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. "Will I die?" she asks.
God says, "No. You have 30 more years to live."
With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great!
The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed.
Up in heaven, she sees God. "You said I had 30 more years to live," she complains. "That’s true," says God.
"So what happened?"
God shrugs. "I didn’t recognize you."

-------

There are seven more on the voting page. Hope this gave you a laugh, and a joke or two you can actually tell to your kids without giving them issues.

Peaches not horrible and evil?
HA! Now that's funny!

Jenn

If you thought these were funny, check out the Laughs! Section of RD here.

Poetry Game: Match 2

2009-06-17T15:55:00.001-04:00

This is the second of the Poetry Game poems that I'm going to post. (Explained in the Poetry Game: Match 1 post).

Unfortunately none of the line-ending tags were chronicled. (They tell whose line is whose.) So, I would just like to go on the record and say, "If the line is brilliant, I totally wrote it. If it sucks, It was totally my brother's." (I'm just kiddin' bro, you rock!) I believe my niece also contributed to this one. (When our powers, combine we form...Captain Planet, well, maybe just a silly clown poem. Still equally awesome in my eyes. Heart!)

This is probably the most off the wall of the group. (It's the one that I like the best.) It's also makes the most sense.

Hope it adds sunshine to your day!

Enough of the crap! Here's the poem: (warning: may cause clown phobias and obsessions)

A clown in farmer pants carried a flute,
And chased me and threaten to shoot,
I thought, oh yeah, oh no, oh poot.

A hero rises from the well,
Clown slayer he's called, a story to tell,
But he's really a plumber named Dale.

To stop the clown, cried Dale, eat your vegetables,
Or I will thrash with my many tables,
I learned how by watching cable,
And forcefully milking my cow Mable.

Against the giggling foe he stands strong,
De-clowns the foe, righting the wrong,
Dale went back to play Donkey Kong,
When the clown recovered with a hit from his mighty bong.

Oh poor Dale, the danger he doesn't yet know,
The clown will expire, but how will he go?
Guts and silly string out from him blow,
Dale exclaimed, Ah s--t, and took a dip of skoal.

Early September 2008

I need to call Dale about a peach problem,
Jenn

Technology in the Sanctuary

2009-06-15T13:34:00.030-04:00

The article that I will be referring to in this article is located here.

Okay, I've made it point to not include politics, curse words (unless in a quotation), controversial topics, negativity, or religion in this blog. I would like to think that anyone, no matter with age or what level of conservative-ness, can read my blog and not find anything offensive or vulgar.

Well, I'm deviating slightly today, because I came across an article in Time magazine (June 1, 2009 issue) that shocked, disappointed, and set me off a bit. I thought I would discuss it here for just a bit because it is something that could change one of the deep rooted traditions that envelops the culture in which I live.

So, I was flipping through the newest Time magazine (I have been an avid reader for close to 10 years), and I came across an article entitled:

Twittering in Church: Why Some Pastors are Turning to Microblogging to Bring Congregants Closer to God and One Another

Now, I will admit that I had to look up what exactly Twittering was. (Though, I'm in my early 20s, I am not au currant with mobile/internet technology. I know it's crazy, but I still value face-to-face time with others.Gasp!) Twitter is a service in which you can post Tweets, or messages up to 140 characters on the web instantaneously from your computer or mobile phone. It is becoming very popular among celebrities, politicians, and people so addicted to the internet that Facebook/MySpace is no longer a sufficient hit. (Ouch, that was a wee bit harsh.)

So, what was it about the article that set me off? First, in the first paragraph of the article the 41 year-old pastor, John Voelz, states that Twitter was the solution to make the service "not suck." I have never thought that a service with a meaningful sermon "sucked." Later in the article, a pastor, Todd Hahn, opens his Easter service by encouraging the congregation to tweet (or is it twitter?) during the sermon! I was shocked. Isn't Sunday service supposed to be about the message and the spirit?

Let me back up a second, imagine sitting there with your bible in your lap and listening to the Pastor deliver a message. Now, imagine you are sitting there trying to listen to the sermon with the countless clicks of laptops and cell phone keys clacking in the background, members of the congregation talking whispering comments about the tweets, and a huge bright projection scene that is constantly flashing new comments behind the Pastor's head. Let's not even go into how it would effect someone trying to pray during the service. I am just utterly appalled by this.

Now, don't get me wrong, I think that incorporating technology and fresh ideas into a church is a wonderful idea. For example, online discussion boards, putting sermons on youtube and TV for the members unable to attend, and blogs by Pastors and the like are wonderful. It gives people a reference site and a new level of fellowship that can really help guide others in their quest for higher answers. (It's almost required in big churches to escape that impersonal feel.)

So what about tweeting? (twittering?) I think that maybe Tweeting would be great for night services, youth Wednesday's concerts, and singings, but not in the sanctuary on a Sunday service. (Let alone on Easter!) It takes away from the sacredness of it. I mean, really, if you are gonna just sit in church and clack away on your cel phone, why come in the first place? (The same goes for people who talk the entire way through, but that's neither here nor there.)

Maybe I'm super old fashioned, but I think kids (and some adults too) should be taught to be behave and pay attention in church service. If they have a short attention span, don't enable them by creating more distractions. When I was little, my church friends and I sat under the pews silently and had biblical coloring pages. (or got the 'I'm gonna take you outside in a minute, if you don't behave' speech). After all, the service is not just about attendance (and making an appearance), and it isn't a dazzling show, it is a place to gather with like minded folks and worship and fellowship. (Leave everything else behind until after the service has concluded.)

The churches mentioned in the article are among a small group of churches using Twitter, but I think that it is the future of church services at least at larger churches (250+ attending members). Just a few years ago, it was crazy to think that church would have projection screens and recorded music played during services. Now, (I fear) it is the norm.

In closing, although I prefer the old fashioned small churches (that ones that are mocked in many comedy skits) with a powerful non-scripted sermon and out of tune singing that will move you out of your seat, I think that it is brilliant that these large churches have been blessed with large and interested and hungry congregations. No matter what the domination or doctrine, it is always wonderful to see people excited about Christianity and exploring how it relates to their life. After all, no two people think in the same manner nor believe all the same things. (And that is okay.)

Hope this set some wheels turning,
And your spirit a'burning,
And your mind a'learning,
For some peach churning,
Jenn

Dime Store Psychologist

2009-06-13T17:06:00.002-04:00

I am always looking for ways to do things on the cheap. I thought, Why stop at gardening, groceries, and sweaters? I can get cheap psychological help too by taking these crazy online quizzes that are popping up everywhere. They're in my inbox, in the corners of my favorite sites, and in sneaky pop-up windows on my start up bar. (Isn't that what it's called?) So, why not put them to use?

Naw, I'm a jokester. These quizzes cannot be used in the place of professional help. If anything, these quizzes gave me more problems than when I started. Ha! My inner pre-teen just loves these quizzes. (Y'all remember those Seventeen magazine quiz specials that came out around Prom time. Long live the 90s!)

Here's the ones I decided to do over an hour. It was the best, and most insightful, procrastination fuel yet. They are all very short except the Dr. Drew one, and it only takes about 10 minutes. (The rest take 3 minutes or less.)

To the quizzes!

Do I Need Therapy? (PsychCentral) I thought this was a good starting point.

My score: 11 (not therapy pour moi! Good, I can't afford it anyway.)

Type A Personality Test (Discovery Health)

My score: 64 (Not as type A as I thought.)

Dr. Phil's Personality Test on How Others Perceive You (PsychCentral)

My Score: 40 (The Loyal Friend)

The Big Five Personality Traits (OutofService.com) This test is quick and interesting, but it does try to ask some personal info questions at the end. Just do what I do and lie; it doesn't check.

My score: O93-C89-E95-A3-N49

What's Your Emotional IQ? (DiscoveryHealth) I was scared to take this one.

My Score: 104 (average, but way higher that I thought, yeah!)

OCD Screening Test (PsychCentral) Just like one I had to take in high school.

My Score: 18 (Everyone tells me I'm OCD. Now, I kinda believe it. Ha!)

Anxiety Screening Test (PsychCentral) Almost the same one that I was given in a doctor's office.

My Score: 42 (I've been diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder before so, duh... Whoa, you're making me nervous. Quit Looking At ME! Ha!)

Dr. Drew's Narcissist Test (USATODAY.COM) This one requires a pen and paper to complete. Most of the other tests are short, nut this takes about 10 minutes.

My score: 7 (I could have sworn that I was going to be a total Narcissist. (I love me!) Instead I scored super low. I am totally surprised. I need to build a statue of myself and write an autobiography and then revisit this.)

Are you a Freak (OutofService.com) This test is quick, fun, and doesn't have any annoying personal questions at the end.

My score: 78% freak (I know, y'all thought it would be much higher.)

Are You A Geek? (PsychCentral) - A fun little quiz that is better than others of its kind.

My score was 11. (Apparently, Big black rimmed glasses only make me look geeky.)

Need some more quizzes to keep you from that horrible chore that you don't want to do? Fret not, boys and girls, below are some additional links that will keep you busy for hours.

More PsychCentral Test can be found here.
There is more on Discovery Heath here.

If you want even more, there really are tons out there. Have fun, y'all!

Though the tests' results differed,
One thing was universal,
I hate peaches,
Jenn

Flower Beds of All Kinds

2009-06-09T17:06:00.027-04:00

Hi all, today I bring you flower beds of all kinds. It's funny, I used to make fun of my friends years ago for gardening and now, I admit that it's one of my favorite things to do. It's also a wonderful distraction from the grueling world of post-grad torture, um, classes.

So, why flower beds? Well, if you live on a small lot in town, (ours is less then .75 acres) it's really the only way to go. We used to have large ground beds for vegetables many years ago, but it didn't work as well and took up way too much space.

Now, as I have mentioned before, my dad and I are cheapskate royalty. We don't do anything unless it is cost effective and will last for years on end. (I'd rather go without then go in debt.) We also have a very particular aesthetic when it comes to how the yard should look. I'll call it, "Rustic Eclectic."

That being said, my dad comes up with the most genius ideas for flower/vegetable bed materials. Most, we didn't even pay a cent for and used stuff that would otherwise have no purpose or be thrown out. Others, we just happened upon some great deals. (Our friends know that we are cheap and love scouting out stuff for us.)

Here's some of the beds we use: (descriptions under the picture)
This picture really doesn't do this one justice. It is about 6 feet wide and nestled at the base of a gorgeous decades old pine tree. It is our main shade bed. In a few weeks, it will be overflowing with bleeding hearts (my fav), hostas, and astilbes. As for the materials, it is made of old smashed bits of concrete (we picked up before it was hauled off), broken bricks and cinder blocks, and a couple cracked creek rocks. It's basically made out of stuff that people just really don't want. Total cost: zip

Ah...my herb garden beds. My dad built these beds as a gift to me four years ago and they are just as strong now as they were then. These are the ones that we get the most questions and compliments about. Measuring from the inside two are 3'x5' and two are 3'x3'. As for the materials, it is one locus tree. It got blown over in a storm here at the house, and he got an wedge and a hammer and split the sucker into boards. (Way more difficult than it sounds.) What is great about locus, it doesn't need to be treated, reinforced, or anything. It is an insanely hard wood, and a great choice for a bed that will stand the test of time. Total cost: zip, unless you count the bolts that hold them together. ($15)
This bed is the most expensive in this list. It is made of landscaping blocks. (Like the kind you get at home depot or Lowe's.) We opted for something a little more spiffy for the front yard. We actually got them, because one of our friends got us in touch with a place that sells the seconds and thirds (the ones with mistakes that can't be sold retail). We got them for like a quarter of the price. Awesome! The only thing about using these blocks is that they are not made to be put in a circle. They are made for straight retaining walls, so it takes a little bit of sawing and math to make the circle look nice. (And you thought that high school math was useless!) Total Cost: about $55-$60

We use this one a lot for family pics. I think it is the most attractive and interesting of the bunch. (This pic really doesn't do it justice.) My dad actually built this to surprise me while I was in France for the summer. (Our family gifts with thought and time, not money. Way cheaper that way, Ha!) I came back and was amazed. We always have beautiful moss flowing over the front with Marigolds and Petunias to accent. (Still needs a couple weeks for the full effect.) As for the materials, it was all scrap stuff. Broken concrete and cinder blocks mostly. It is on a steep incline (up the hill), 5 feet wide, and a half circle shape. Total cost: zip

This is the newest addition. (Finished last week, actually) We got a wonderful deal on some railroad cross ties, and thought they would be perfect to make some large beds. This is the first of many of these. What's great about cross ties? They are huge, sturdy, weather treated, and will last longer than me. Oh, and most important to me, they look awesome! It really makes an impact in the yard. They really are something to look at. This bed is our veg garden this year, and next year will be used to showcase some our our prettier flowers. It is about 17 feet long and 4 feet wide. It is massive, I never realized just how big the railroad must be! Total cost: about $50 (Additional Materials not included: .5" rebar, .5"x10" lag bolts, and a heavy duty fence post: $20)

------------

These are just a few examples of the beds in our yard that were made without breaking the bank. We hope to come across or think of many more. (One of our neighbors actually does his peppers and maters in old tires, so he can move them when winter comes. It actually looks quite brilliant if done right. I've made a note.) You really don't need ten thousand dollars or a landscaper. You just need patience, a decent work ethic, and a couple of afternoons to make a great bed. Great gardens aren't just for the upper tier!

We have been slowly renovating the yard over the last four years, and hope to one day have a real masterpiece, step-style, garden. Wish us luck!

Please Note: There were additional costs such as plants, seed, and top soil. (Our poor composter is still on the mend.) Though, if you shop around and make friends with the local nursery, these things aren't too costly. Also, you need to research the safety stuff before attempting to cut any of these materials. You may need a mask, an arm cover, or etc. (Especially true with cross ties)

We plan to one day grow more,
Just not peaches.
Jenn

The Poetry Game: First Match

2009-06-06T15:43:00.002-04:00

I just know y'all are ready for some poetic foolishness.

I came across a stack of old poems my friends and family and I created while playing a poetry game. It is super fun, and beats the crap out of pictionary or charades. (Oh yeah, my family can be old school sans cel phones)

I actually thought the game up (or remembered it from somewhere, I can't remember which) after my tape recorder busted. My friends and I used to sit around with guitars and a bon fire going singing blues songs in which each of us had to create a verse. We also did the game where you have to make a fiction story where each person contributes 2 minutes of dialogue. (Sure beats sitting around griping...) We like having a tape of it, because some of the stuff you come up with over drinks and cheetos can actually be brilliant. (Most was totally hilarious crap that was used as future embarrassment fodder, however.) So...

I thought poems would be just as fun, and it would make us sound twice as smart.

Enough of that run on:

Here's the game: Have someone designated as the scribe. (The person who writes all the snot down.) Decide on a rhyming scheme, length, and how you are going to break down the stanzas. Then, just go around the table and have each person contribute their line of poetry. Each person has to contribute and no one gets to butt in and do it for them. (Really, it brings out the pushy people, let me tell ya...)

I like it because it teaches people to think, speak up, and be creative. Also, in the case of my family, it forces pushy people to step back, be patient, and give the others the floor. When I used to volunteer with an after school kid care program, this was one of the games I always played with the kids. It was fun, educational, and gave some of the kids some much needed attention.

It can be good clean fun, or can be a censor person's nightmare. (It all depends if you're playing with Dr. Suess or the Earl of Rochester) It is equally fun and intimidates people around you when you tell them about it. (They'll think you are like crazy professor smart.)

Below is the first creation of my eldest brother, my nephew, and myself. It is a crazy, fun, trip, and kinda makes me think we have issues. (...only with feline vomit and condiments, though...)

You've been warned:
Like a Latte on my buttocks, [a]
I sit there and I ponder, [n]
On my choice of peanut butter, [ao]
And other condiments out yonder. [j]

I ask myself why and I wonder, [n]
Spinning, spinning like frog in blender, [a]
A cold, ghastly chill ran up my sleeve, [j]
Then I sing all night in sleepless bender. [a]

Food now gone, Boredom anew, [j]
Now I have to ask myself why, [n]
The cat puked again in my shoe. [a]

Turning and Peeling an apple blue, [a]
It was then I knew, oh yes, I knew, [n]
When that sound from out cat came, [j]
Snick, snick with claw, blood they drew. [a]

I wish to talk much with you, [j]
But I'm dying by my foul smell, [n]
I was bored before and couldn't poo, [a]
This is the end, that is no longer true. [jna]

Early September 2008: Adam, Nick, and Jenn

Have fun with it. Make it your own.

Hope this made you laugh,
Or at least made you feel more normal,
Still a' hatin' peaches,
Jenn

Cornbread: My Dad's Recipe

2009-06-03T09:48:00.001-04:00

Most recipes that I have had on here so far include introductions where I have hated the food or had no experience with it. Well, it couldn't be further from the truth on this one. I've always loved cornbread, eaten cornbread, and heck, I'd probably marry someone for endless cornbread. In fact, if you hate cornbread, you should seriously consider praying for new taste buds 'cuz you got shafted.

Okay, so my dad has been making cornbread like this for as long as I can recall. (The only change is that we use Self-rising meal now) It isn't like a tradition thick-sliced baked cornbread, a buttery muffin, nor a super thin 'hoe cake.'

So this is a, as I call it, chunky and onion-y cornbread pancake (thingy).

It's debatable who makes it better, my dad or me (neither of us have great talent in the culinary area, we just know what we like and stick to it), but I dare to guess it tastes better to the one who just has to eat it and not cook it. I like it this way because it is slightly healthier (well, unless you smother butter on it) than the traditional thick cornbread or corn muffins. Also, we throw a whole bunch of chunks of vegetables in it. (Warning: We like onions. I think I could eat a red onion or a green onion raw, and then want another one.)
Dad's Chunky Cornbread Flats

Ingredients:

4 cups - Self Rising Corn Meal
2 eggs
2.5 cups - milk (I use skim)
1/8 cup oil (I usually use olive)

Ingredients to add after mixing above (optional but wonderful):

2 teas. - ground pepper
2 teas - onion salt (or dehydrated onions)
5 cloves - chopped garlic (or 1 heaping tbs of the powder stuff)
1/2 green pepper, chopped (you can add chilies for an extra kick)
Handful chopped green onions (about 2 large, about 6 small)

Directions: Sit your skillet on the stove eye, and turn the burner on low heat.

Place your meal in a mixing bowl, then add the wet ingredients. Mix well.

Then add the onion, spices, pepper, etc. (To your taste) Mix well. You can add milk or meal to get it to the consistency of your choice.

Once the mix is ready to go, turn the burner up a little to a low-medium or medium (depending on how old your stove is, and how brown you want your cornbread).

Spray a bit of Pam in the skillet. And then, pour (I spoon it in) a small amount of batter into the skillet, making a small circle. (Like chunky pancakes). I usually make three small cakes per round, and use about 3-5 spoonfuls of batter per cake.. (My skillet is quite large).

Let 'em cook until the top of the cake begins to look dry or solid. (5-7 minutes). Then carefully, with a prayer, flip them and brown the other side. (about 3-5 minutes.)

Take 'em out and place on a plate that is big enough to stack many more on. (And hide them because whoever comes in the kitchen will steal them.)

Repeat until all the batter is gone, or until you have the desired amount of cakes. The batter will hold in the fridge for a couple days, and the cakes will do good in the fridge for 4-5 days.

Reheating tip: Before you stick the cake in the microwave, wrap it in a paper towel. It will help prevent it from drying out.

This recipe yields a large batch of cornbread. (15-25 cakes, depending on size and thickness of batter) When we don't have guests coming over we usually make a half batch. (8-15 cakes)

Note: Every stove and every pan cooks differently. You may want to run a 'test cake' for your first round to test out your cooking times and temperature. After the first one, in my experience it cooks quicker and easier.

Also, you can experiment with the thickness of the batter. I like my batter a little runny, but my dad uses a thick batter.

Plushie: Jelly Bean Man

2009-05-29T12:04:00.001-04:00

I'm always left with partial skeins of yarn after some of my bigger projects, and I refuse to throw them away or make friendship bracelets out of them. (I made hundreds when I was little) So I thought that they would be perfect to use for improvisation (using the crazy ideas that you wouldn't even think to with good, brand new yarn) purposes.

I hate following patterns. (That's why I haven't attempted a sweater this year, but I will soon) Sometimes it's just too many rules. I like making a swatch, figuring out the gauge measurements, and treating it almost like a sewing project with knitting as the fabric. (Something with which I'm more familiar.)

Unfortunately, I'm not a super experienced knitter. (I've been knitting about 2.5 years or so.) Sometimes, my little sketches turn into the cutest, most awesome knitted contraptions that go beyond my expectations. But sometimes, they turn into a stinking pile of crap that is waiting to get frogged.

If you notice, very few of my projects end up on here even though I knit all the time. It would traumatize young children to see the extreme mess ups.

I fell in love with this little monster that I created. It took about 3.5 hours to make. (Gotta love large yarn) I also got to feed my new obsession with these type of eyes that I have been making. I dig the smiley eyes! Cute!

So on to the Smiley, Jelly Bean Man:
How did I do it?

I basically knitted two baby 'boggans (toboggans or beanies) and left off the bottom bands. Then, I sewed the bottoms together most of the way with the same yarn. Then, I stuffed the sucker with an insane amount of Poly-fil before I shut it for good.

For the face, I took some old white yarn I had, and I knitted two congruent triangles. I then (whether you 'eye-ball' or use graph paper is your choice) stitched the eyes on the triangle with the black yarn.

Next, I took the the black yarn (a new strand) and sewed the top two sides of the triangle on the, Then, I took the white yarn and sewed the bottom of the eyes on. This is the hardest part, in my opinion, because the eyes are easier to get crooked than straight. (I just say it makes it look more authentic and home made, or something better sounding than just 'crooked.')

Then, I took an old brown yarn and knitted a 3inch square swatch. Then, I took a handful of Poly-Fil and rolled it into a tight ball and placed it in the middle of the swatch. Next, I took a strand of the brown yarn and sewed the corners and sides shut (in a 'X' type manner) until it had the shape of the nose that I wanted. Finally, I took the strand I have hanging off the back of the newly sewed nose, and I used it to attach the nose onto the Jelly bean face.

Finally, I tucked all my stray strands into the middle of the bean. I then just beat the snot of it (fluffed it), and sat him (yes, it's a boy) on the table for all to admire.

Now, there are a few different variations that I could have done.

One: When sewing the 'boggans together, I could have stopped halfway. Then, I could have sewed the eyes and nose on from the inside, and then stuffed the bean last. I did the other way because very rarely do I draw and mark stuff out, so it is easy to line up the eyes when it's already stuffed. Easier to eyeball anyway.

Reworking the peach trebuchet,
Jenn

Grand Ole Opry: The Show

2009-05-26T13:08:00.017-04:00

This is the second of two posts about my trip to the Grand Ole Opry.

So, finally after a whole day of adventure of anticipation, we were finally able to get into the Opry House.

Being first timers, we got in there 40 minutes early as soon as the doors opened. It worked out wonderfully because the seats ended up being like super, comfy church pews. We were also able to watch as all the other countless people sprinkled in over the next half hour, and truly decide if we were allowed to take pictures or have cameras. (I was going to anyway, but I needed to know how much stealth would be involved.)

After we were settled in our seats, very front of the balcony and smack in the middle, we were greeted by the nicest usher in the world. We even chatted with the sound guy a little bit. It was a different world from other concerts I have attended. (rock, pop, ska (still don't know what that is), and gothic underground stuff). I could tell it was going to be a great show in which I didn't have to worry about teenage audience members imitating adult film stars or a six-foot-tall, 90 pound dead heads shoving me into a speaker.

The minutes rolled on, and people of all ages, types, origins, and styles began filling up the hall. There wasn't a seat left empty. The large TV screens throughout the hall switched from showing trivia to Bass Pro Shop and Cracker Barrel commercials. The lights dimmed slightly, and I knew that what we had waited for the entire day had finally come.
The whole place went completely dark save for the bright lights of the now visible historical stage of The Grand Ole Opry.
The show is taped live and broadcast on GAC. (I was totally almost on TV! EE!!) It is divided up into four 30 minute segments with a host performer for each.

The first half hour was hosted by Jim Ed Brown with performance by Helen Cornelius, Jimmy C. Newman, and James Otto.

Highlights: I loved it when Jimmy C. Newman (pictured below) came on the stage. He sang my favorite song of the night, Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road. I still have it in my head now. I've already ordered one of his CD's. He is the epitome of that authentic, fun, country vibe.
When it was time for James Otto (pictured below) to come on the stage, I realized something that I will swear to until I croak. While walking around the grounds before the show, I spotted this group of four guys walking that looked like they were a band. I got Shannon's attention, "Hey, did you see those guys? Are they in a band? Three looked artsy, all were dressed in cool, dark outfits, and one had really pretty hair."

Unfortunately, she didn't catch 'em. Then I saw them a second time about 20 minutes later as they walked about 20 feet in front of us. I just knew they were musicians. Little did I know, IT WAS FREAKIN' JAMES OTTO!! EEE!!! I could have totally have met him and got a close up picture. I'll never forget that silky coif 'till I go senile.
The next half hour was hosted by the wonderful Jean Shepard with performances by 'Jesse McReynolds and the Virginia Boys' and EHSS (Ernie Haase and Signature Sound).

Highlights: Jean Shepard performed one of my favorite gospel songs. ("If I Could Only Hear My Mother Pray Again") I heard some of the best bluegrass when Jesse McReynolds took the stage. (I'm gonna order one of his CD's too.) Finally, when EHSS (pictured below) took the stage, it showed how far and how awesome the gospel music genre has become. Here were these young guys with high energy and a message to send. It was an awesome treat!The third part of the show was hosted by the hilarious Mike Snider with performances by Stonewall Jackson, Darryl Worley (pictured below), and the Opry Square Dancers.

Highlights: I swear that the show just got better and better. Mike Snider was a great host, especially with his comedy background. He' was more than a 'fair to middlin' performer (he was awesome!) , and his jokes had me rollin' too. Stonewall Jackson was great. He is one of my dad's favored musicians. Then, Darryl Worley took the stage, and well, he can do no wrong. He's just that awesome. It was amazing! I'm still shocked at how many current big names in country were in the show!
The last televised portion has Hal Ketchum (pictured below) as host with performances by Jan Howard and Jack Greene.

Highlights: It was a great end to the televised show. Hal Ketchum came out and sang his first song with his daughters. They can sing too! I'm so jealous! It made me realized that the Opry could be something to which I could actually take my Dad to or younger members of my family. I love that, there was too much vulgarity at other shows with I have experience.
After the televised part of the show was over, the lights came back on. I could feel a nervous grinding in my stomach. I couldn't help thinking, 'Isn't Reba supposed to be here? Surely, she didn't cancel. Celebrities do that a lot, don't they? I'll go off on somebody.'

Then all of a sudden, the curtains flew up and there she was. Reba was on the stage belting out "Why Haven't I Heard From You!" All of a sudden, I found myself turning into a former self o' mine and hootin' and a' hollerin' at the stage like I was at my high school football championship.
I can't even imagine how my best friend felt as she was seeing the same thing as I. I like Reba and all, but she is the ultimate fan when it comes to Reba. (Like, if there was a Reba-edition Jeopardy! or Millionaire Show, she would have Warren Buffett working for her. I tell ya what!) And I can honestly say that it was electric in there, and it's definitely something that I will never forget.

Ending Thoughts: One thing that truly surprised me about the show was that the singers sounded as good or better live than they do on TV or on CD's. Most concerts of other genres that I have attended are the opposite. The singers usually sound like 'doo doo on a stick', and they make up for it with flashy lights and presentation. At the Opry, it just wasn't needed. It could have been in an old and stinky cow field, and it would have been an awesome show.

Who knew this great treasure was in the very state that I live? (Well, apparently a lot of people except those in my tiny town, heh.)

Just say no kids,
Peach-free's the way to be,
Jenn

Want to see more pics from my trip? Check out my personal Gallery.

Grand Ole Opry: First Time in Nashville

2009-05-23T12:49:00.024-04:00

This is the first of two posts about my trip to the Grand Ole Opry.

So about 3-4 days before the trip, my best friend called me and told me she had tickets to see Reba at the Grand Ole Opry. I accepted the invitation, and this crazy trip ensued.

So the morning of May 9, our trip officially started at the Cracker Barrel not too far from my house at 6:00am. So I ate my 'Old Timer's Breakfast' complete with hashbrown casserole, turkey sausage, biscuits and gravy, and a heapin' bowl of grits. It was truly a heavenly (and deliciously greasy and salty) start to a long, exciting day.

For the next few hours, we rocked out to country songs and wound around interstate roads. Only exciting and funny thing that happened is that I kinda had a panic moment when the GPS lady thing that Shannon brought with us started talking. I had a 'robots are taking over the world' 1980s movie moment. Other than that the road trip continued until we finally saw the big, green signs that told us that the Opry was near.

We got off the interstate exit and found ourselves turning into this Opry compound with huge white buildings and strange roadways. Also, the speed limit was 24, not 20 or 25, but 24. We unfortunately didn't get a picture, but there has to be a story on that somewhere. It sure did crack me up.

After circling around lost and in awe, we finally came upon a mall complete with a Dave and Buster's (I had totally seen the commercial and was psyched!) and a Bass Pro Shop (Shannon had found heaven). So, we thought we could park at the mall and get our bearings. So we park, and lo and behold, right across from the mall is the Grand Ole Opry House. Whoo!!
Now we knew when were in the right place, and had our parking spot memorized, we were ready to pick up the concert tickets. We actually, surprisingly enough, found the ticket office very easily, but when we got there the door were locked. After trying to force it open, we decided to wait outside, but away from the pouring rain. We checked the office hours, and it should have been open for over 30 minutes.
Conundrum. After people began to line up with us, Shannon finally called the office to ask why the doors were still locked. It was then we figured out (and had the office thinking we were idjits) that we were in Central Time and not Eastern Time. It never occurred to us. I have traveled to Chicago, New York, and even Atlanta, and I have never had to worry about time. Poo on time differences!

We finally got in to pick up our tickets. (An hour later then we thought we were gonna.) Smart Shannon thought to ask if they had any better tickets. They did! We were moved to the front middle of the balcony. WHOOHOO! We were excited about for about 5 hours after that.
So now that we had our tickets, and our jaws off the floor. (Fancy places never cease to amaze us. We gawk around at stuff like crazy mountain people who are just seeing electricity for the first time. Wait...just kidding.) We had a few hours to kill, and a big mall to explore.

Little did we know how freakin' big that mall was. We started at one end and walked the whole thing to check out what was there, and it took 25 minutes at a fast freakin' pace. (I did totally time it.) But before shopping and after the freakin' marathon, we decided to grab lunch, and try to grasp this time difference doo-hickey. (It took awhile.) I got me a foot long turkey sub from Subway that cost a quarter of a kidney (Stupid Nashville, haven't you heard of the 5 dollar foot longs?). The food court had a freakin' merry-go-round in the middle of it, and like 15 eatin' places! The malls where I live suck! This one was awesome!

We then did what we do best--bargain shop. I think we are the best bargain shoppers in the world, because we really won't pay more than 5 buck for anything. (And I won't buy it if I have the ability to make my own for cheaper.) So we shopped, shopped, and shopped and came out with like 2 cheap things each. (Nashville's freakin' expensive for a cheapskate like me!)

I have to say one more thing about the mall, because it fired me up good. The mall's interior was set up with stores on both sides and a slew of kiosks in the middle. The kiosks (is that what you call 'em?) had all kinds of vendors at them pushing tons of different products, but it was the spa people that had me close to going off the deep end. As we were walking through the mall, several of these people jumped in front of me, and here's how the scenes went:
------
"Hey, do you wear makeup?"
Me: "No, I don't."
"Here, you should try our makeup."
------
"I can fix your nails, do you bite them?"
"No, thank you."
------
"I can show you a way to fix your bad hair."
"Excuse me? No, thanks."
------
"I have something that will help with your skin."
-ignore and roll eyes-
------
They got me four times and Shannon twice. (We switched sides after awhile.) It got to the point that we would just stare them down when we walked by. (They had like 15 kiosks throughout the freaking mall!) Now, I know why all those crazy, insecure rich people get crap injected into their face or spend copious amounts of money on makeup. POO ON EVERY ONE OF YOU SPA PRODUCT SELLIN' PEACHES IN THE OPRY MILLS MALL!!! I just wanted to tell them that you can't improve upon perfection. (I totally not full of myself. It's not I take tons of Webcam pics of myself and admire them or anything...oh wait.) Oh, and I bet money that I could drop 4 or 5 of them skinny suckers before anyone could get to us, but oh well I think we handled the situation well at the time. I didn't even have to get arrested. (Always a plus!)

Oh enough of that. After the mall started getting crazy crowded, we purchased some German roasted cashews, and we went to the Opry gift shop on the grounds across the street. It was a great gift shop. The tourist in me rejoiced! I even bought a cowboy hat. I needed I new one for when I garden, and it's rare I find one that fits my big head. Farmer Jenn:
We then booked it out of there and went to taking pictures of the Opry grounds. It was very pretty. I was very touristy too. I would get down on the ground to get different angles for a shot. I was taking pictures of every sign. I went nuts! I got good pics though, I tell ya what.
We then, believe it or not, still had about an hour or so to kill. (We were not moving the car and losing our freakin' good parking spot.) So we started taking pictures of ourselves in front of random stuff. They actually turned out really good. I usually photograph awful, because my features are just not photogenic at all. (They'll knock you down in person, but not on a picture.) This picture I placed below was one of my favorites. People were being really nice and offering to take pics of us. (And they didn't run off with the camera! Tourists in Nashville rock!) This sweet and wonderful lady took this one of us close to the Opry House.
After we got bored taking pics, we decided to sit around for a bit and just chill before time to go in. (And scout out the doors like hawks.) I saw this group of guys all dressed similar walk by. They had that 'we're in a band and super cool' look about them, and one had gorgeous hair. I admit my conditioner was jealous. I didn't think anything of it until I saw them walk by a second time. (Unfortunately, Shannon missed them both times.) I just knew the guy with pretty, dyed hair was some kind of something. I just couldn't put my finger on it, and totally forgot about it until the show later.

We only had minutes left, so we sat straight in view of the doors in the courtyard. The weather had finally turned beautiful, and a great middle school band, all the way from Canada, was providing the background music. (They were actually leaps and bounds ahead of any middle school band I have ever heard. Not one reed squeak!) I was reminded that the situation could even get better when a beautiful thing happened; a beer vendor sat up in front of the entrance and the doors to the Opry swung open.

It can't be expressed on here how psyched we were to finally walk through those Opry doors to sit in our awesome seats and enjoy what was to come.

Taking Peach Hatred to New Locations,
Jenn

Want to see more pics from my trip? Check out my personal Gallery.

Sweet Tater Bites

2009-05-20T09:40:00.002-04:00

For years, I have been trying to find a way to eat sweet potatoes. (I hate the taste!) I kept hearing about the great health benefits (well not if you eat the traditional sweet potato pie) like how they are a good source of B and how they do that awesome 'slow release energy' stuff. I vowed that I would find a way to stomach them. (Yes, I really did vow. Like, for real.)

It's like me hating meat loaf before I tried turkey in it. I am ashamed to say that I hated the taste and smell of sweet potatoes. It's weird because most of family inhale the suckers. (I swear my dad could eat 'em raw!)

I've tried them in a pie, deep fried, deep fried and breaded, baked on the grill, and etc. While they were alright breaded and deep fried, I tend to shy away from deep fried food. (I have worked at too many food places to not know had bad health-wise they are for you).

I was actually craving a childhood favorite of mine, cinnamon toast, one day and decided to try a healthier variation using sweet potato slices as the toast. So, I decided to bake slices of the potato on a pizza (metal, baking) pan at a medium temperature. (About 375deg). When they came out, I was so nervous to taste them, because I HATED sweet potatoes. But, lo and behold, I loved them! Absolutely delicious, nutritious, and low in calories.

This is about the easiest recipe ever. I don't know if I can even call it a recipe. (But I will!)

Enough of this! Here's the Recipe:
Ingredients:

1 Sweet Potato
Non-stick Spray (Pam)

These are great eaten plain, but I need something extra. (I have weird taste buds, seriously!) Here's the toppings that I have tried and like so far:

Sweet Toppings: (Don't be afraid to try your own!)

Cinnamon and Splenda (or sugar)
Pumpkin Pie Spice and Splenda
Marshmallows (Put the small ones on right after they come out)

Savory Toppings:

Salt and Pepper
Italian Spices (I use the grinder kind)
Butter and Garlic Powder
Lemon Zest and Basil
Rosemary and Onion power (for real! It's good!)
Chili Powder

Directions: Preheat your oven to 375 degrees. Next, take the potato and scrub all the grit off of it, and towel it off. On a cutting board, cut the ends off. Then, cut the remainder, in a style of your choosing, into slices about 1/2 inch thick. (Example of styles: In the picture, I just sliced them into circle slices, but you can also cut them into steak fries.) Check for bad spots, and then place them on your pre-greased pan (I use metal, but glass would probably work too) about an inch apart.

Next, spray the tops with Pam. (or brush with oil or butter). Then, if you like, add a topping of your choice. (My fav is cinnamon and splenda).

Pop them in the oven for about 15-17 minutes.

After the timer sounds, take out the potatoes and set them on the counter. Take a tooth pick (or chopstick) and poke through the center of the thickest piece. If it is still hard in the middle, put the pan back in the oven for an additional 2-3 minutes. When the potatoes have reached the desired softness, let stand for a couple minutes. (They are hot!)

Then chow down!

1 potato will usually feed two people. These will also keep in the fridge for a couple days.

Another recipe,
With no peaches,
Jenn